missin 'em

my birthday's coming up in a week....and i've been having mixed emotions bout it.

when i was growing up, i've always looked forward to birthdays. the gifts, the parties, friends, family...and the thought of just being the "star" for a day thrilled me to the point of exhiliration.

ill be turning 22 next week, and its surprising how the luster of celebrating a birthday just dulled out on me. i guess since this is the first year im celebrating my birthday alone...in a foreign new place. im sooo far away from my comfort zone that sometimes i dont even know myself anymore.

i wake up everyday to do the same exact thing. i miss everything from my old life. birthdays are just the tip of the ice berg. i often ask myself why i even decided to take this path in life. am i really better off?

i cant even count the times ive cried feeling lonely, empty...and just miserable. how could i have everything before and not have anything right now?

i miss my family....my mom....who always bugs me to study and clean the room....my dad...who always cooks those weird dishes....my sister...who i can always talk to and borrow clothes from...kuyamiel and kayla....for just being two of the best additions to a family. its amazing how i havent seen them in almost a year. i try to be tough though....i try not to think of them and just try to live my life. but there are just times when memories of them just seem to spring out and leave me crying....like now. i miss them sooo much. how i wish i could see and hug them again. they always used to be with me on my birthdays....and now im just celebrating my birthday alone...

how i wish i were back in my comfort zone....my comfy bed...watching cable in my bedroom...having a cold shower in my bathroom...cooking crap in mom's kitchen...borrowing my sister's clothes...driving my dad's car...playing with kayla...