a letter to my younger self

Dear Oli,

Hi...you probably things are tough right now, but just brace yourself for what is about to come. But I do want you to know that things will be "kind of" okay and I know you have all these insecurities but I want you to know that there is nothing to be ashamed in:

1. Having super curly hair that has a mind of it's own. So what if the wind blows it and it stays exactly as the wind has blown it? You'll realize some years later that some people would love to have textured hair as you do and it will define the sense of style you will carry.

2. Being darker than an average Filipina. You'll realize that being called "negra" or "uling" is just another way to make you stronger and accept criticisms once you grow older. Someone will always be fairer than you, prettier than you, thinner than you, smarter than you, faster than you...etc. But that doesn't stop you from reaching your own potential...be it in beauty, smarts, or drives.

3. Having "soccer legs". Think of the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood...'My what big eyes you have...the better to see you, my child'. Analogy in playing your sports..."my, what big legs you have...the better to outrun you, bitch."

4. Being mediocre in things you set out to do. I know you're frustrated, Oli. You've tried ballet, taekwondo, swimming, soccer, hula, contemporary ballet, belly dancing, piano, guitar...but have never really truly excelled in one. But at least you can say that you've tried something new. It'll help you cope with new experiences once you've grown older. (Believe me)

5. Being a "happy drunk". So okay, people tell you that you become a whole other person when you drink. You seem carefree...you're loud...and wildly flirtatious. Do not be ashamed of who you are when inebriated. It makes for happy memories.

6. Letting "bygones be bygones". I'm telling you now that you will make major mistakes in your life that are more than your ten little fingers can count (and that's only when you've reached 25!). And sometimes not even friends or family will be there for you...not even your spirituality will save you...and you will find yourself sinking so low that you would not know where to pick yourself up from. You'll find yourself doing/saying things you never thought possible. I'm telling you now, do not ever take for granted the upbringing youv'e had. It's what made you the person that you are now, and it's what will make you the person that you are in the future. Be thankful of the values that you've been harnessed growing up because sometimes the only thing that you can cling to are your values. You'll find yourself reaching your lowest of lows...but be grateful for not clinging to "things" that will pull you to some bottomless abyss. Be aware of your own strength.